Wave of sorrow,

Do not drown me now:

I see the island

Still ahead somehow.

I see the island

And its sands are fair:

Wave of sorrow

Take me there.

- Island,

Langston Hughes

Release Me


//Un// //Deux// //Trois//


Here's an interesting quote I found in my Psychology textbook:

"Why should I live? Why should I do anything? Is there in life any purpose which the inevitable death that awaits me does not undo and destroy?"

Leo Tolstoy (1904)

I received my report card and my GPA recently, but I don't have the courage to look at them. No matter how numb I may feel, I don't think that I can bear to see two official E's on paper and come out unscathed. All this talk of scheduling for senior year and college expectations has been so hard on me. At a meeting we had last week, I could hardly breathe as the Vice Principal kept spurting out total BS about classes and grades. But later that day I reached a breakthrough and completely gave up caring. I bought a pack of Sourpatch Watermelon (aka my new comfort food) and allowed myself to succumb to the hyperness. My friends had a pleasant experience with that I'm sure. ^__~

Today I was told by two friends that I make them feel better about themselves: that I cheer them up. I'm glad to see that my efforts are not without success. I strive to be the kind of person who people can turn to for support. I try to be kind to those struggling because I know what it feels like to be lost and alone. I know what it's like to crave soothing words and a sense of belief from people. Perhaps I'm just like Sohma Yuki kun: I am nice to people because I want them to like me. I know that I can be a real bitch at times and so perhaps my kindness is all lies. I don't know... I'm rambling on and can't really see the point to my entry anymore. Heh. Thanx for your patience!

Monday, January 31, 2005 09:05 p.m.